So, no big deal or anything, but I totally fucking met George Stroumboloupolus…
It was a moderately temperate Friday evening early in November. I was drunk (no surprises there) and at the bar with my friend. We’d been sitting with some serious asshats for the past hour (they were buying us drinks, and I never turn down free shit). But we’d had enough of talking about skank weed and construction work with them and were desperately seeking an escape root. Luckily, asshat number one spilt an entire beer all over us and we stood up abruptly and pulled out a snarky “thanks a lot!” and stormed off to the washroom to ring the beer out from our clothes (I was not about to waste that free beer I’d just earned). But just as we were making our way through the crowd, he appeared…
His man beauty was overpowering. I don’t think I’ve been that excited about something since I saw Hanson live in concert.
I knew what I had to do.
Luckily, I was just drunk enough to have the courage to approach him and tell him how much I adored his show and vampire good looks. I don’t really remember how the conversation went, but I’m sure I said a lot of wickedly lame things pertaining to his immense awesomeness.
Unfortunately he was a lot shorter than I would’ve suspected, and as I was talking to him I was forced to do my mini squat routine as to not appear so giantess while beside him. This didn’t make me love him less though. He was soooo charming, and funny, and nice, and intelligent, and he spoke to me like I was the only person in the entire room…
Swoooooon.
What a motherfucking dreamboat.
Sadly, people started bombarding him shortly after we began talking, but I guess that’s what you get. I stalked him a little near the end of the night and saw him leave the joint with some blond haired floozy.
Sigh, the bimbo’s always get the prize. (That kinda rhymed!)
I’m over it though. I got to have a nice, respectable conversation with the most attractive man on Canadian Television.
So in other news, I totally got an Iphone! Now for some this may mean little, but for me, it’s like that small girl getting her proverbial pony. Seriously, this thing entertains me, teaches me things, allows me to communicate with people…. I could go on. It’s literally the best companion one could ever have.
You know what my favorite part about it is…You know when you’re out with friends and you’re debating about some random topic and one person is all, “No, it’s this” and the other person is all, “No, it’s that” and then it goes on for hours until someone finally gets home and googles it and text messages the other person and is all “I TOLD YOU SO!” and then the other person feels like total shit?
WELL! Now I can just whip out my iphone and google the FUCK out of that shit and find out right on the spot. No waiting. No wondering. The answers are right before me. Which also means I never have to wait to parade my glory. Now, I know, there are people out there with cellphones that have internet too, but I dare you to compete with me in a google-off. My iphone will find the answer faster than you can say “balls”.
I guess I’ll stop gloating now.
I do want to leave you with one thing… consider it a gift; a gift of great happiness. Why? Because it has a fucking penguin in it! That shops! And wears a penguin backpack!
It’s so fucking cute I could just puke. (That rhymed too! God, I’m brilliant)
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