fourmis! partout!!

Oh dorm living. It’s one of those things that you never really understand until you actually get to experience it. Going from a 680 square foot comfortable apartment, to a 100 square foot room has its disadvantages. First there’s the bed. As a taller female, I often have trouble finding places to sleep that actually fit me. I grew out of my twin size bed when I was about 8, but my parents didn’t believe me and made me sleep in it until I was 14 or so. It sucked. I’d actually forgot how much I hate twin size beds until I’ve recently been forced to again sleep in one. The ones here though are extra awful because they’re essentially a piece of foam covered in a thick plastic. I’ve nearly fallen off the thing a hundred times, but luckily I wake up right in time when I realize how close I am to landing in a pile of dead ants.

This brings me to the ants. For some reason, I’m the only person on my whole fucking floor who has an ant infestation. In order to try and kill off my guests, I’ve created what I like to call “The ant trap hell death gel fence.” I presume they’re living in the walls because when I first got here there were none, but then I dropped a piece of my granola bar, and didn’t think much of it and when I woke up one morning it was covered in ants! I immediately went out and purchased two forms of ant killer; a liquid gel like substance that you just squirt all over the ant colony, and then these little house things that lure the ants in because they think its food, and then eventually they find out it’s poison and they yell “RAID” and die. Kind of like in Mean Girls when the teacher is all, “don’t have sex because you’ll get pregnant and DIE.” Actually, it’s not like that at all, but I really like that line in the movie, so I had to throw it in somehow. ANYWAYS… I decided to put two of the house things down, and then I barred off the area with an insane amount gel killer to make a fence like device. And now I have this….

(blogger decided to hate me today, and that's why you're not looking at a picture of dead ants. Use your imagination. And if you don't have one, look on facebook. And if you're not my friend on facebook, then how the heck did you find my blog? If you like it though, please message me, i'd love to hear from you. especially if you're a straight male. I don't have many heterosexual male readers.)


Even with the bugs, the communal showers, and the eau de fecal matter, dorm living is pretty fun. It’s unusual to me to have neighbours that actually want to talk to you. At home, my neighbours and I try very hard to avoid each other. Mostly we communicate via mat stealing.

Other than dorm life, Montreal is fucking amazing! I'd love to give you a day by day recount of all the awesome things I do, but that would just make you jealous, and then you'd hate me, and because you're reading my blog, I like you, and I don't want our relationship to be burdened by your persistent jealousy. So i'll just tell you that sometimes I’ll be out drinking and having a great time and think to myself, “shit, I’m totally getting paid to be here. Dope!” Even though I don’t fit in my twin size bed, I sleep easy at night knowing that in a week I’m going to get another 325 dollars to use towards eating and drinking 40s… and all I have to do in return is learn me some French. C’est fucking fantastique.

Ou est le bibliotheque?

While reading Cosmo today in my ant infested dorm room, I learned some very, very useful informations. And yes, informationS, because I learned a plural of things. For example, in the article “7 things you think will make you happy…but won’t,” Sonia Lyubomirsky. PhD shared this useful fact with Cosmo readers, “happy people are more likely to be in long-term relationships and are better liked than unhappy folks” Like, NO SHIT! I don’t think you need a fucking PhD and a ridiculous last name to pull that one out of your ass. God, I could have told you that and I barely have a useless undergrad degree. Happier people are better liked? Really? Because I was under the impression that I should be extremely surly and depressed around people and they’ll immediately gravitate towards me and want to hear me bitch and complain about my sad pathetic life. I should probably try that out here, since at this current moment my friend list is a big fat zero*. Except for maybe the woman in the bakery where I bought the most wonderful tomato bocconcini panini today. It had panini bread with black olives baked into it! Jesus, it was like heaven in wheat form.

I guess you want to hear more about Montreal, and less about the interesting and ridiculous things Cosmo has to offer. Well, Montreal is good. It’s only been two days, and I’ve not yet started my classes, so I’m hoping that’s where I’ll meet some interesting folks. I’ve had a few measly conversations with a few people. One was a French boy who could barely understand me, and I could barely understand him. After everything he said in French I’d give him this unsure look, and then he’d attempt it back to me in English. Needless to say our conversation was a touch awkward**. I’ve also just realized that I don’t really know how to approach people. I’m generally just introduced to people, and then we become friends. It’s a weird concept this ‘making random friends’ shit. I wonder too, if after I make a friend, do we have to wait a little bit until we start hanging out all the time, or do we just dive right in because we’re on time constraints. Fuck, I don’t know, apparently I’m more socially inept than I once thought.

*I now have like 6 new friends! Go me! Last night after I wrote this self-deprecating blog, there was a mysterious knock at my door…and guess who it was…
**random French boy that lives on my floor. He was there to invite me to a floor party that he had planned. So I went to the floor party and I made friends, and had good times and frankly, I’m not as socially inept as I once thought.

I composed a poem to express my joy via rhymes...

Shit is good, friends I did meet.
Montreal is sweet.
I have blisters on the feet.
Let's compete.
I wear deet.
MEAT!