"Dude, you forgot your cowboy hat!"

As promised, I give you the top 11 reasons I LOATHE Cowboy’s with a fiery passion (the bar, not the people).

Let’s start this with a story. My friends* 18th birthday. It’s a Thursday night, so it’s 25-cent "draft." Draft referring to a mixture of piss and colt 45 siphoned into a large vat and then offered to patrons in Coors light glasses. Tricksters!

So she’s brought to Cowboys by her obviously unsympathetic friends and the second she got into the bar she became angry and distasteful. Atop the anger, she consumed roughly 15 glasses of “draft” and finally became confrontational which is extremely out of character for her, as she generally despises altercation. Well, that is unless it involves stupid people.

Any ways, my friend ended up stealing a beer from one of the tub girls and saying some rather nasty remarks whilst doing it. She was then literally, and I mean literally, thrown out of the club. She proceeded to yell contentious remarks at all the bouncers…basically she told them all to ‘fuck their mothers.’ Not her best moment.

After this she took a seat out on the curb, alone. She was then told that sitting anywhere, in or around the bar was illegal. Illegal she thought? For one, bouncers are not law enforcers, they’re beefy guys with attitude problems, and the curb isn’t owned by the bar, it’s owned by the city. She then began to yell further profanities at the bouncers hoping to wear away their muscular exteriors, but alas, they just threw her coat in her face and sent her on her way.
**
She was eventually rescued by her friends who attempted to get her back in the bar but the bouncers proved to be sharper than she thought; they looked directly at her friends and said, “this ones not comin’ back ever! ya hear!”

Reasons I hate Cowboy’s: A list
1) They allow… no wait… they suggest that people wear cowboy hats year round.
2) They encourage female patrons to wear the lowest possible tops and the shortest possible skirts, which equals nip-slips and twat exposures.
3) They are certain to target males with shoes that aren't fine Italian leather. I guess runners just don’t cut it for line dancing.
4) They’re racist.
5) They give people draft (*see above)
6) When you open their website (I had to…for research!) an insanely loud country song comes blaring through your speakers and sings “I LOVE THIS BAR.”
7) The website also has a nice note from Paul Vickers: “You are the reason that Cowboys became famous. Because of your commitment, support and unconditional loyalty, you have genuinely become the foundation of Cowboys’ legendary existence.” Legendary existence! Fuck that!
8) Paul Vicker’s is the biggest douche bag to ever live.
9) They have hay…in the bar.
10) Their bouncers are retarded cowboy hat wearing fucks who take more steroids than the average female body builder.
11) And last but not least, they have a sign out front saying, and I quote “the most beautiful girls walk through these doors” – HA! How about you try “the whores lost their way to the crack house and ended up walking through these doors”

*There was really no “friend” per se… It was me. I was the terrible drunk girl who told bouncers to fuck their mothers. I thought I’d wait until the end to mention it so to try and keep a smidgen of credibility.
**Other things happened in the time period between the coat throwing and the friends coming...but to save a shread of dignity, i'm just going to say it DID NOT INVOLVE VOMIT.