Because I really like to complain about life.

You know those days that make you sigh and think, "god, life's really annoying sometimes"? Well, today was one of those days...actually, the last two days have been one of those days.

Let me go back.

This story begins on Wednesday morning. I woke up, severely late, only to discover that I had two incredibly itchy and enormous mosquito bites. I was pretty certain I’d contracted them while at an outdoor work staff meeting/”team building” the day prior, but I had no time to ponder the situation and continued drying my hair.

Part way through the day, as I was sitting at my desk when the itching had become unbearable and I turned to my co-worker and said, “Jesus, I have this mosquito bite that is so fucking itchy!!!” I then proceeded to pull down part of my pants (it’s on my hip) to show her. Alas, the mosquito bite was no longer a bite, but more of a giant tennis ball like mass of bright reddness. Her response, “holy shit! maybe you should take some benadryl or something”
So I did. And then I was stoned. I’m not even kidding you. Not sure how or why it happened, but I went into this daze and was staring into the distance for a good 45 minutes until I finally realized I was utterly stoned and should probably go home, sleep it off and then head to the doctors...

And that’s what I did. But instead of going to the doctors, I slept for 5 hours. Seriously, that benedryl was fucked up! I figured though that I could just put it off and find some time today to go.
WRONG!
Fast forward to this morning. I get to work (late yet again) and am asked to pull up stats from this fucking excel database thing that I have no idea how to even open. My boss indicates to me that it should be my “number one priority” – which basically means, “do it…or else!” So I did it. I put aside lunch AND my daily sudoku for it. Now that’s fucking dedication.
Finally, after I drudged away for a solid 9 hours, I finished this wonderful/potentially inaccurate stats page and decided it was time I see a doctor. With it being way past regular doctor hours, my only option was the urgent care clinic.
After waiting for 2 and a half fucking hours, I finally got let into the back where an insanely good looking male nurse took my blood pressure and then asked me some general questions about allergies and so on, until he nonchalantly posed this little doozy… “when was your last bowel movement?”
I don’t think words can even begin to describe how insanely awkward I became at that very moment. And what was even more awkward was that the hawt male nurse just sat there with this, “seriously woman, are you 5?!” look on his face.
I was humiliated, and all I could think of was that now this beautiful man would never want to sleep with me because he knows when I last pooped.

Finally, after waiting for 3 hours, the doctor came in and told me that I’m probably just having a reaction to a bug bite.
WELL NO SHIT!
He also suggested that I take some benadryl and if that doesn’t help, to come back again.
Ugh... no thank you! I’d rather spiders lay eggs in my wound than be asked about my bowel movements again.

And now I’m here... eating boiled eggs and popcorn for dinner. I had a laughing cow cheese too, but I accidentally sat on it.

Sigh, life.