Warning: vulgarity below.

On my quest to find a suitable Halloween costume, I came to the conclusion that it’s impossible for girls not to turn into raging whores come the 31st of October. While paroozing through the store I learned that the choice costumes for girls in Halloween costume providing shops consist of 6 options:

1)slutty nurse
2)slutty cop
3)slutty whore
4)slutty maid
5)slutty school girl
6)and my favourite…the big ass slutty slut bag.

SERIOUSLY! Why can’t I purchase a costume that doesn’t make me look like a 2 cent floozy? It seems like people can make anything slutty these days. In one store I saw this:

















“A naughty inmate costume” – well of course inmates are naughty – they’re murderers! (well, and drug-traffickers, robbers, etc) Guys, would you really wanna take a Karla Homolka impersonator back to your apartment? I bet knowing she raped and murdered two teenage girls would really get the conversation going. What’s with society! My god!

Here are some of the other costumes that make me question the existence of morals:

















Disney did not intend for snow white to become a whore! She lived with 7 dwarves, not 7 pimps!


















“Hey God, when you’re, like, not creating natural disasters and letting people through the pearly gates, wanna meet me for some alone time, wink wink?!!”

Since when have God’s messengers been tramps?! One of the commandments of angel life is “though shall not fellate more than 100 men per lifetime” – I can tell you right now that God doesn’t want angels on his crew that have gotten more ass than a high security prison inmate.















A slutty referee. I hope she falls and turf burns her snatch.

















I can tell you right now this girl doesn’t even own a drivers licence. Racecar driving is a skill, and the only thing she’s skilled at is spreading her legs.

















A sexy straightjacket costume? Really? I'm pretty sure that mental instability is not normally considered attractive.
















AND LOOK! You can even turn your beloved pooch into a slutty school girl! God, dogs must hate Halloween.

After realizing the female section of the store had nothing of offer me, I headed to the mens section. It's not much better. Basically you can be a giant dick (literally) or some kind of offensive and/or cliché costume that made me want to pour franks red hot in my eyes.

I’m absolutely appalled at the state of Halloween these days. It’s probably my second favourite holiday, and now it’s just a big hussy convention! For the love of god people, stop dressing like you’re helga the whore!

And because I love embedding youtube clips into my posts, here’s one that fits perfectly(skip to the 5:27 mark...or watch it all, because Mean Girls is amazing)



Listen girls, I have no problem with you personally, but I think if you want, just go as a slut for Halloween. Just wear your lowest shirt and your shortest skirt and call it a night!