Friday, March 13, 2009

I love cutting Barbie's hair off and making her a man.

This underemployed deal sucks. I thought that I’d be able to make the most of it and take my time to write my novella or make a film or read a few books, but instead I’ve used my time to watch an unnecessary amount of Felicity and bake… oh god do I ever bake. And then what do I do? I sit down and eat my calorie saturated creations. Which means I’m officially sad. I sit at home eating baked goods and watching 90s dramas about college life. If I keep this up I’m not only going to be a bored underemployed graduate, but I’ll be fat.

Maybe it all just comes down to the fact that I’m incredibly lazy. Most people would take this time and I don’t know, run a marathon or reorganize their house or volunteer, but I use my time to lament about my lack of career, my useless degree and my strange desire to overwork my oven. Seriously though, I’m even too lazy to post regularly on my blog!

And if you’re wondering, yes, I’m applying for jobs. I’m even applying for receptionist positions, which after working as a receptionist for a summer, I vowed to myself to never sink that low again. I really don’t want to be hired to be the bimbo at the front desk who wears a headset and answers the phone in a chipper, high pitched, “GOOD MORNING! (insert lame company name here). HOW MAY I DIRECT YOUR CALL?...(pause)...ONE MOMENT PLEASE!!!"

God. I'm going to end up turning into one of these hussies...









"Look at my fantastic computer skills and the ficus behind me! It's also my job to water it! I'm so blessed in my career. Receptionist work is real rewarding!"











"CALL ME! hehe! Not only am I marginally competant at answering the phone, but I've been know to fellate to get ahead! No pun intended! heheheheh!"

**************

God help me.
(And by God help me I mean... God, find me a job!)

3 comments:

jer said...

If you bake snickerdoodles, I'd heavily consider buying some from you...if they are accompanied with some sort of poem or limerick.

Anonymous said...

you could go work for ali.
just think of all the benefits!
- you could walk to work!
- free pizza!
- awkward sexual advances!

Anonymous said...

ridinggiraffes.blogspot.com; You saved my day again.