You know what would really spice up my life and my blogs…a really interesting job. Now I’m not talking about being an events planner for Alberta Arts or anything, because albeit that would be an interesting job for me, it wouldn’t be one that conjured stories. I want a job where ridiculous shit happens. Stories so good that when you come home from work and your darling significant other asks you how your day was, you can reply with some fascinating tale about incest and adultery instead of replying with the same old...
“well, omg, Sue was being such a whore today! I asked her to staple these timesheet documents and you know what she said to me... No! SHE SAID NO! WHAT A WHORE!”
But say you didn’t work as a receptionist and you worked instead as a counsellor at a high security prison, or a nurse at an insane asylum. You know how many amazing stories you’d have about people hurling fecal matter, or lunatics thinking they’re the saviour?? The answer is many… you’d have many.
The best part is... people actually want to hear those stories! People really like hearing about fucked up shit. Well, I like hearing about fucked up shit, so I’m assuming that everyone else does too. But really, we wouldn't have the news or 20/20 if people didn’t! People don’t care about Don the accountant that eats too many Snickers and smells potently like steak. They care about the crazy woman that's in love with a fence*, or the dude that killed his whole family while high on meth.
*Actually, there is a woman out there in love with a fence. My friend showed me this documentary the other day called “Married to the Eiffel Tower”, and it was about objectum sexuals which are people who fall in love with objects and have sexual and romantic relationships with them. No, seriously, I’m not even shitting you. This one woman was in love with the Eiffel tower, the Berlin wall, a fence and the golden gate bridge (clearly she’s a polygamist). It was seriously fucked up shit. Seriously.
If you feeling like spending 40 minutes being shocked and insanely disturbed then definitely watch it (the link is below). But I’m warning you: it’s highly unsettling; so don’t yell at me after you’ve watched it and been creeped out beyond all repair.
Seriously messed up shit. Part One.
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2 comments:
Not only is she a polygamist but she apparently requires that her lover be famous. Like really, she's too good for the Centre Street Bridge? She has to have the Golden Gate Bridge?
I feel for you - After I graduated I spent a solid week sitting on my couch in my robe playing my roommate's Guitar Hero! What can I say? I couldn't afford a spa!!
I thought everybody would be like, "OMFG - you got a 3.7 GPA!! Come work for us! Solve our problems with your big, sexy, brain!!" Unfortunately, that assumption was less than accurate.
One day, my brother's girlfriend was like 'Oh, you don't have a job yet'? She made ONE phone call to a guy who managed contracters for her company. I talked to him for a half-hour and he hired me on.
I later find out that for every dollar I make for the company, this guy makes 50 cents. He's my pimp. I never see him and I never talk to him, unless of course I start to slip up.
I can't even get a hold of the guy!! I have a phone number that goes straight to voicemail and he comes on and says "Thank you for calling XYZ company. All of our technicians are currently busy at the moment." THERE ARE NO TECHNICIANS!!! It's just that I'm his bitch, and he's gonna talk to me when it's convenient for him!!
What an asshat!!
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